Happy USA Weekend!!!

Picked a fine time to return to posting...

..Holiday weekend and all...STUF to do...
People to see...FOOD to COOK...carnage and chaos on my agenda...

HAVE a happy and SAFE independence day holiday...

I Got Some Splain'in To Do...

I'm a bad blogger...BAD, BAD, BAD!!!

A thousand pardons for my MIA status...

I have been preoccupied with LIFE...(is that a 4 letter word?)

...WORK...(another 4 letter word)...

...KIDS....(oops...there I go again)...

...CRAP, STUF, SH!T, POOP...

...I'm on a ROLL...(do you see a pattern here?????)

WELL, I hope you've enjoyed the peace and quiet while it lasted...because its over BITCHES!!!! I'm back and I've got a HECK of a lot of venting to do......ready or not...here I COME!!!!!

Brown Bag Surprise...

...Wow, thanks Mom....my favorite!!!

Do I eat it or name it?!?!?!?!

Hey, look what followed me home from school today!!!


Can I keep it?....Pleeeeeze?!?!?!?!?!

No Tongue Sandwich on the Menu?

I guess when a "Brit" gets a hanker'in for a tongue sandwich...

that craving must be satisfied or "Birthday Boy" gets Bit!!!

Birthday Boy's comment: "Pbthspspsps!!!"

Hey Anobiter...Check this out!!!

Tramp Stamp Barbie!!!

Hmmmmm...

maybe Barbie should have some body piercings too...

where shall we start?

(Edit: Oops, old news to you...you "scooped" me by 22 hours)

Pilfer My Melons??????

Don't Even Think About It!!!!

This Goes Out 2 Mr. Give...

...thank you for all the love & labor you have poured into our garden project!!! Not to mention the natural fertilizer...
I bet we grow the biggest melons in the neighborhood & our cucumbers will have such girth we will only be able to pickle one to a jar... MR. GIVE, U ROCK!!!

R U Stimulated?

The only thing stimulated by the "Stimulus Package" is my bowels!!!

Taking it personally...

Our daughter was laid-off from Alcon Laboratories last week...along with 249 other unsuspecting souls…this was quite a shock to everyone due to this being the first lay-off to ever be implemented at Alcon, they say it is due to foreign competition…

Alcon hired an outside consultant firm to come in and walk the “victims” through four days of classes on how to deal with the situation, revamp your resume and sign-up for unemployment.

The classes were held at a hotel located just across the highway from Alcon so that when the “victims” went to and from class they were able to look across the highway at their old place of employment and scream!!!!
THAT IS MY PINK STREAMLINE STAPLER!!!!

Anyone in need of a very talented Executive Administrative Assistant with two young-uns to support?

Shall we make an "Ass-umption"..

...and assume that he has put more than just his foot in his mouth during these past few weeks? Five dollar foot-long anyone?

2 Snooze, or Not 2 Snooze...

...that is the question...
I have my alarm set for 5am...
I religiously "Snooze" in until 5:40am...at 10 minute intervals....
Is this healthy??? I don't know & I don't care....I feel all the better for it...how about you???

The Perfect Storm?!?!?!?!?

The weather people predicted rain Sunday night...YES!!! We need IT!!!

Got my hopes up....just to be woken up at 3am Monday morning with the sounds of rainfall and fierce winds... We got exactly .20 inches of precipitation with 70 mile an hour winds!!! Eeeeeeeekkkkk!!!

We have a 100 year old working barn with so much character it is totally awesome...however, it is vertically challenged...it is on its last leg (so to speak)....it is well ventilated and we winterize it with tarps....the animals go inside just long enough to eat....then they are "out o'here"...they may be animals...but they are not stupid!

After the winds last night we were afraid to look at the damage...so, prior to sunrise...Mr. Give drives out to the barn and shines his headlights on the barn prior to leaving for work...immediately he notices that we are missing 3 metal roof panels..."Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore...

When I leave for work the sun has risen and I notice that a huge oak branch is laying in the back yard...shingles litter the yard...the antique metal chairs on the front porch are in disarray...a huge, heavy clay pot has been thrown off the front porch and is broken on the front lawn...the glass humming bird feeders hanging on the porch survived...the miniature windmill is smashed to smithereens...apparently the "wind-dado" is selective in it's path of destruction!!!

Our theory has been....if the barn survives...so shall we!!! Well, the odds are narrowing...I say it is time to replace the barn!!! Its all in the timing, as the saying goes...we need to get ahead of the damage curve...or will FEMA come to our rescue...NOT....I am looking at plans as I type...

Rain Already ! ! !

...I walked out to the barn a few hours ago to give the idiots some hay and a few sprinkles fell upon my face...

...by the time I walked back to the house....no sprinkles...no nothing!!!

WHAT A TEASE!!!

Problem Solved ! ! !

This Stimulus Package Has It All ! ! !

For the Gentlemen....

and for the Ladies...

...this package is affordable and will put a smile on every taxpayers face!!!

Shall we put it up for vote?!?!?!?!?!?

OK...maybe not....I'll go to my room now...

D O N E ! ! !

The 2008 taxes...they are DONE!!! Ready to be delivered to the CPA!!!

YEA!!!!! I'm Free....I can come out and play now....

I don't know why I was so concerned about getting our taxes taken care of...

it seems the "vogue" thing these days is to not pay them at all...

I wonder how that would work out for little ole "Josey the small ag exempt" lay-person...

I wonder if I could sleep at night knowing I had not paid my fair share...

especially since I would be sleeping in a cell with my new girlfriend to keep me warm...

I'm just say'in...

Var-mints....

...will they ever learn???? I can't even pet the puppets because they are stinky-stinky-pew-pew-pew!!! Dogs are very affectionate...they run up to greet you when you get home and all they want is a little rubb'in...but I can't touch them or I will smell like the PePe....don't get me wrong, I appreciate that they are just doing their jobs and protecting us and the property from rabid vermin, but how can I show my appreciation from afar??? We give them food, water, treats, a warm place to sleep [outside cause they are stinky], but we can't have any one-on-one and they don't understand when they come running-up, wagging their tails all excited and my reaction is PU!!! Because if I pet them, I smell like them!!! So I pet them on the least likely spot to have been sprayed, throw them a treat and run inside...I'm not ungrateful for their services, but I just can't stand the stench!!!

Its A Freak'in Litter!!!

Mr. Give and I had to put two off-springs through puberty...that means the latest fashions, all the activities, the sporting events, the camps, the uniforms, the fundraisers, braces, first concerts, school dances, sweet sixteens, cars, stereos, cell phones, ipods, x-boxes, proms, senior trips, graduation parties, college classes, showers, marriage, more graduation parties...ahahahhahahahahhaha!!!

TIMES EIGHT....SOMEBODY JUST SHOOT ME!!!!!

THE SEX HAD BETTER BEEN REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,GOOD!!! Because they won't have the time or the energy to have a repeat performance!!!

My Attitude...

...ran across (no pun intended) this pix and thought....

I Can Relate!!!! Ever have one of those dayz???

I Hate Personal Trainers....

...getting paid to work out...

...walking around looking all buff

...behaving like a Drill Sergeant while in session...

...working out in-between sessions, while looking at us amateurs with pity, out of the corner of their eyes...

I know what they are thinking...

"Just look at that idiot, at what point did you give up and just let yourself go?" "Spandex is made for me....not you" "Is that all the weight you can do?" "Gawd, that's not how your supposed to use that machine, its called the Ab Crunch not the Boobie Crunch" "Move over and pay a professional to show you how its done" "Freak’ in Amateur" "Waste of space in the gym"

...OK, I don't hate them....really....I'm jealous!!!!
Can I change careers in the middle of the game?

My Crotch Hurts!!!!

Yes, you heard me correctly....MY CROTCH HURTS!!!!

Last week I actually went to the gym....and picked up my membership card.

A few days later I went to the gym again...to take a tour.

The next day I went back to the gym....to get an assessment.

[that was painful]

But for the last three days....in a row....I went to the gym...and actually worked out!!!
Thus having an opportunity to tune on every body part so that my entire being is screaming at me...none so loudly as my CROTCH!!!!! Thursday I worked on my outer & inner thigh areas. OUCH!!!!

I'm walking like the Duke [John Wayne] and there is no way I'm getting on my horse this weekend....you would hear the screams plumb into Tarrant County!!!

Sasha, Malia Dolls Miff First Lady...

They’ve been in the White House less than a week, but the first daughters have already been co-opted by marketers — and Michelle Obama isn’t happy about it.