Happy USA Weekend!!!

Picked a fine time to return to posting...

..Holiday weekend and all...STUF to do...
People to see...FOOD to COOK...carnage and chaos on my agenda...

HAVE a happy and SAFE independence day holiday...

I Got Some Splain'in To Do...

I'm a bad blogger...BAD, BAD, BAD!!!

A thousand pardons for my MIA status...

I have been preoccupied with LIFE...(is that a 4 letter word?)

...WORK...(another 4 letter word)...

...KIDS....(oops...there I go again)...

...CRAP, STUF, SH!T, POOP...

...I'm on a ROLL...(do you see a pattern here?????)

WELL, I hope you've enjoyed the peace and quiet while it lasted...because its over BITCHES!!!! I'm back and I've got a HECK of a lot of venting to do......ready or not...here I COME!!!!!

Brown Bag Surprise...

...Wow, thanks Mom....my favorite!!!

Do I eat it or name it?!?!?!?!

Hey, look what followed me home from school today!!!


Can I keep it?....Pleeeeeze?!?!?!?!?!

No Tongue Sandwich on the Menu?

I guess when a "Brit" gets a hanker'in for a tongue sandwich...

that craving must be satisfied or "Birthday Boy" gets Bit!!!

Birthday Boy's comment: "Pbthspspsps!!!"

Hey Anobiter...Check this out!!!

Tramp Stamp Barbie!!!

Hmmmmm...

maybe Barbie should have some body piercings too...

where shall we start?

(Edit: Oops, old news to you...you "scooped" me by 22 hours)

Pilfer My Melons??????

Don't Even Think About It!!!!

This Goes Out 2 Mr. Give...

...thank you for all the love & labor you have poured into our garden project!!! Not to mention the natural fertilizer...
I bet we grow the biggest melons in the neighborhood & our cucumbers will have such girth we will only be able to pickle one to a jar... MR. GIVE, U ROCK!!!

R U Stimulated?

The only thing stimulated by the "Stimulus Package" is my bowels!!!

Taking it personally...

Our daughter was laid-off from Alcon Laboratories last week...along with 249 other unsuspecting souls…this was quite a shock to everyone due to this being the first lay-off to ever be implemented at Alcon, they say it is due to foreign competition…

Alcon hired an outside consultant firm to come in and walk the “victims” through four days of classes on how to deal with the situation, revamp your resume and sign-up for unemployment.

The classes were held at a hotel located just across the highway from Alcon so that when the “victims” went to and from class they were able to look across the highway at their old place of employment and scream!!!!
THAT IS MY PINK STREAMLINE STAPLER!!!!

Anyone in need of a very talented Executive Administrative Assistant with two young-uns to support?

Shall we make an "Ass-umption"..

...and assume that he has put more than just his foot in his mouth during these past few weeks? Five dollar foot-long anyone?

2 Snooze, or Not 2 Snooze...

...that is the question...
I have my alarm set for 5am...
I religiously "Snooze" in until 5:40am...at 10 minute intervals....
Is this healthy??? I don't know & I don't care....I feel all the better for it...how about you???

The Perfect Storm?!?!?!?!?

The weather people predicted rain Sunday night...YES!!! We need IT!!!

Got my hopes up....just to be woken up at 3am Monday morning with the sounds of rainfall and fierce winds... We got exactly .20 inches of precipitation with 70 mile an hour winds!!! Eeeeeeeekkkkk!!!

We have a 100 year old working barn with so much character it is totally awesome...however, it is vertically challenged...it is on its last leg (so to speak)....it is well ventilated and we winterize it with tarps....the animals go inside just long enough to eat....then they are "out o'here"...they may be animals...but they are not stupid!

After the winds last night we were afraid to look at the damage...so, prior to sunrise...Mr. Give drives out to the barn and shines his headlights on the barn prior to leaving for work...immediately he notices that we are missing 3 metal roof panels..."Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore...

When I leave for work the sun has risen and I notice that a huge oak branch is laying in the back yard...shingles litter the yard...the antique metal chairs on the front porch are in disarray...a huge, heavy clay pot has been thrown off the front porch and is broken on the front lawn...the glass humming bird feeders hanging on the porch survived...the miniature windmill is smashed to smithereens...apparently the "wind-dado" is selective in it's path of destruction!!!

Our theory has been....if the barn survives...so shall we!!! Well, the odds are narrowing...I say it is time to replace the barn!!! Its all in the timing, as the saying goes...we need to get ahead of the damage curve...or will FEMA come to our rescue...NOT....I am looking at plans as I type...

Rain Already ! ! !

...I walked out to the barn a few hours ago to give the idiots some hay and a few sprinkles fell upon my face...

...by the time I walked back to the house....no sprinkles...no nothing!!!

WHAT A TEASE!!!

Problem Solved ! ! !

This Stimulus Package Has It All ! ! !

For the Gentlemen....

and for the Ladies...

...this package is affordable and will put a smile on every taxpayers face!!!

Shall we put it up for vote?!?!?!?!?!?

OK...maybe not....I'll go to my room now...

D O N E ! ! !

The 2008 taxes...they are DONE!!! Ready to be delivered to the CPA!!!

YEA!!!!! I'm Free....I can come out and play now....

I don't know why I was so concerned about getting our taxes taken care of...

it seems the "vogue" thing these days is to not pay them at all...

I wonder how that would work out for little ole "Josey the small ag exempt" lay-person...

I wonder if I could sleep at night knowing I had not paid my fair share...

especially since I would be sleeping in a cell with my new girlfriend to keep me warm...

I'm just say'in...

Var-mints....

...will they ever learn???? I can't even pet the puppets because they are stinky-stinky-pew-pew-pew!!! Dogs are very affectionate...they run up to greet you when you get home and all they want is a little rubb'in...but I can't touch them or I will smell like the PePe....don't get me wrong, I appreciate that they are just doing their jobs and protecting us and the property from rabid vermin, but how can I show my appreciation from afar??? We give them food, water, treats, a warm place to sleep [outside cause they are stinky], but we can't have any one-on-one and they don't understand when they come running-up, wagging their tails all excited and my reaction is PU!!! Because if I pet them, I smell like them!!! So I pet them on the least likely spot to have been sprayed, throw them a treat and run inside...I'm not ungrateful for their services, but I just can't stand the stench!!!

Its A Freak'in Litter!!!

Mr. Give and I had to put two off-springs through puberty...that means the latest fashions, all the activities, the sporting events, the camps, the uniforms, the fundraisers, braces, first concerts, school dances, sweet sixteens, cars, stereos, cell phones, ipods, x-boxes, proms, senior trips, graduation parties, college classes, showers, marriage, more graduation parties...ahahahhahahahahhaha!!!

TIMES EIGHT....SOMEBODY JUST SHOOT ME!!!!!

THE SEX HAD BETTER BEEN REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,GOOD!!! Because they won't have the time or the energy to have a repeat performance!!!

My Attitude...

...ran across (no pun intended) this pix and thought....

I Can Relate!!!! Ever have one of those dayz???

I Hate Personal Trainers....

...getting paid to work out...

...walking around looking all buff

...behaving like a Drill Sergeant while in session...

...working out in-between sessions, while looking at us amateurs with pity, out of the corner of their eyes...

I know what they are thinking...

"Just look at that idiot, at what point did you give up and just let yourself go?" "Spandex is made for me....not you" "Is that all the weight you can do?" "Gawd, that's not how your supposed to use that machine, its called the Ab Crunch not the Boobie Crunch" "Move over and pay a professional to show you how its done" "Freak’ in Amateur" "Waste of space in the gym"

...OK, I don't hate them....really....I'm jealous!!!!
Can I change careers in the middle of the game?

My Crotch Hurts!!!!

Yes, you heard me correctly....MY CROTCH HURTS!!!!

Last week I actually went to the gym....and picked up my membership card.

A few days later I went to the gym again...to take a tour.

The next day I went back to the gym....to get an assessment.

[that was painful]

But for the last three days....in a row....I went to the gym...and actually worked out!!!
Thus having an opportunity to tune on every body part so that my entire being is screaming at me...none so loudly as my CROTCH!!!!! Thursday I worked on my outer & inner thigh areas. OUCH!!!!

I'm walking like the Duke [John Wayne] and there is no way I'm getting on my horse this weekend....you would hear the screams plumb into Tarrant County!!!

Sasha, Malia Dolls Miff First Lady...

They’ve been in the White House less than a week, but the first daughters have already been co-opted by marketers — and Michelle Obama isn’t happy about it.

Maybe If I'm Really Good This Year, Santa Will Put One Of These...

ARE WE TOO OLD TO DRIVE THIS CAR?

Concept car that we are probably too old to drive! NO JOKE!The new Benz - Very different....really different!
This is the new Mercedes Benz SCL600

That's not what is different about it.

That either...

.....and now for the 'really different' part:

Here is what is different...

No steering wheel, you drive it with a joystick. No pedals either. Can you drive with a joystick? Your kids and grandkids probably can. The influence of video games in our lives has really arrived, wouldn't you say? SCARY THOUGHT THAT NOW A 7-YEAR-OLD COULD STEAL YOUR CAR AND PROBABLY DRIVE IT BETTER THAN YOU.

I'm Bode-If-Fide...

I attended my first CPR training class today...

I know just enough to be dangerous!!!

From My Daughter...Such A Tragedy...

This is one of my high school friend's family. Her name is Vanessa. This story touches my heart in a special place, because it is of her son, Keaton. He is a happy healthy big boy, just like my little Hudson.
Keaton passed away just one week before his first Christmas. He was the family's third child, and first boy. Since I know the mother, I can tell you she is so active and involved in the children's lives. She is one proud momma as well, as she should be! I couldn't imagine the things this family is enduring at this point, and the things they have had to encounter along this process.
Please read this story, it was published in the Keller Citizen: http://www.kellercitizen.com/101/story/11921.html

If there is any way you can help this family, know that they would greatly appreciate it. As a mother, I could not fathom needing to fund my child's funeral, pick out their favorite outfit, or put them to rest. Also know, that your prayers, are felt by the family, and they still need them, as this is an ongoing process for the entire family; Mother: Vanessa, Father: Dave, Sisters: Madelyn and Ashlyn.
This is also something she wrote, from her personal blog.
1). We can ALWAYS use thoughts and prayers. This is still new to my family and we are ALL still going through a hard time! Especially the girls. We still cannot believe this is happening to us. We are just trying our best to adjust and be able to do the daily things that have to be done in life without having a break down over Bubba.

2). We are deeply still in need of donations at any Wells Fargo by mentioning the Fund name. The Keaton Huebner Memorial Fund is desperately needing funds to help pay for funeral expenses. He deserves the Best and right now he is in a temporary mausoleum crypt but he needs to desperately be moved in Order to honor his being the Best! I can't thank everyone enough who has donated in one way or another.

If you cannot donate please forward this need to all of your family and friends because maybe they can. If anyone works for a corporate business they most likely have Charity donations in their budget. Most usually have to donate so much per year, it's just a matter of where they will donate so please help me get the word out!!! Much Love to you ALL! In lieu of flowers the family requests that contributions in his memory be made to the Keaton Huebner Memorial Fund at any Wells Fargo location, to assist with funeral expenses. Our Family could really use the donations for the funeral expenses. We still have sooooo much to pay. If you can donate every dollar counts, whether you donate one dollar or a thousand dollars, our family asks for your help. Keaton Deserves it for sure!!!!

The Name Game...

I HATE Daytime TV!!!!!!

The TV is on in the other room for background noise....

NO I don't want a career change....

NO I don't want to sue anyone...

NO I don't want to sell you my settlement so I can have MY money NOW...

NO I don't need to confirm my baby daddy....

Ahahahahahahahhahaha....

...time to plug in some tunes before I eat a bullet...[sick picture huh]

Adolf Hitler Campbell Removed From Parent's Home

The New Jersey Division of Youth & Family Services have removed little Adolf and his younger siblings; JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler from their loving white supremacists home last week after the department had received NO reports of neglect or abuse....Hmmmmm....

I don't agree with the parents choice of names, but I also don't agree that it is grounds for government intervention...

First the kid doesn't get his special store-made birthday cake and now this....if his luck doesn't change quick, he may end up as messed up as his namesake!!!

It Pays To Be Chaste...

Natalie Dylan, 22, claims her offer of a one-night stand has persuaded 10,000 men to bid for sex with her.
Last September, when her auction came to light, she had received bids up to $243,000 but since then interest in her has rocketed.
"I think me and the person I do it with will both profit greatly from the deal."
She added: "It's shocking that men will pay so much for someone's virginity, which isn't even prized so highly anymore."

Maybe I should schedule an appointment with the labia doctor and pay for my early retirement! SHeeeeeeSH!!!!!!!!!

Time to Feed...

...the natives are restless...

Rules...

...when will it ever end????

Do Baggy Pants Drive You Nuts???

I'm just say'in.....

No Comment...

Awkward...

I had a guy approach me in a restaurant the other day and greet me like an old friend...then he realized that I was not who he thought I was...heeheehee

I was like....Hey, good to see you too....How's the family....Did you guys have a great Christmas...The look on his face was priceless...

Financial Advise

With tax time around the corner, I thought I would pass on some very important facts from my financial advisor...

Yesterday's Truths ARE Today's Truths

John Kennedy once said to a assembled group of scholars in the White House * I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House - with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."

The quotes below could prove his point.

• When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe. - Thomas Jefferson


• The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. - Thomas Jefferson


• It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world. - Thomas Jefferson


• I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. - Thomas Jefferson


• My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson


• No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. - Thomas Jefferson


• The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. - Thomas Jefferson


• The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

Very Interesting Quote:
In light of the present financial crisis, it's interesting to read what Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:
Banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.

Doesn't this sound eerily familiar to what is happening in America today?

New Tire Design by Michelin

You guys may have already seen these...

These tires are airless and are scheduled to be out on the market very soon.

The bad news for law enforcement is that spike strips will not work on these.

Just think of the impact on existing technology:

A. no more air valves...

B. no more air compressors at gas stations...

C. no more repair kits...

D. no more flats...

These are actual pictures taken in the South Carolina plant of Michelin

Where Will You Be Tuesday?

Tomorrow is a holiday for our office, but I will be at work Tuesday just like all Inauguration Days before this one.

However, we will have one department with no representation due to both employees taking the day off.

I wonder if we are the only office to experience this type of worker shortage…

Barbies For Anobiter...

Is this not the most disturbing toy ever...or is it just me?


Clearance priced at only $21....

price does not include the therapy expenses that will be required for your little girl in the future...

OK....



Now I'm dating myself....but this one is brilliant...




The Carol Burnett Barbie in the

"Gone With The Wind" Skit

Too Funny!!!

TO Torture or NOT to Torture...

That is the question...easy to answer when one sits in the comfort of an American home......on the frontline.....different story...and who keeps who safe....who are we to say....we don't see what they see....we don't experience what they experience...somebody has to do the dirty work... and we sit in our easy chair and judge...the world reality is ugly and sometimes, so are the solutions...unless you are willing to put on the uniform and take the risk...DON'T JUDGE!!!