Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Var-mints....

...will they ever learn???? I can't even pet the puppets because they are stinky-stinky-pew-pew-pew!!! Dogs are very affectionate...they run up to greet you when you get home and all they want is a little rubb'in...but I can't touch them or I will smell like the PePe....don't get me wrong, I appreciate that they are just doing their jobs and protecting us and the property from rabid vermin, but how can I show my appreciation from afar??? We give them food, water, treats, a warm place to sleep [outside cause they are stinky], but we can't have any one-on-one and they don't understand when they come running-up, wagging their tails all excited and my reaction is PU!!! Because if I pet them, I smell like them!!! So I pet them on the least likely spot to have been sprayed, throw them a treat and run inside...I'm not ungrateful for their services, but I just can't stand the stench!!!

Its A Freak'in Litter!!!

Mr. Give and I had to put two off-springs through puberty...that means the latest fashions, all the activities, the sporting events, the camps, the uniforms, the fundraisers, braces, first concerts, school dances, sweet sixteens, cars, stereos, cell phones, ipods, x-boxes, proms, senior trips, graduation parties, college classes, showers, marriage, more graduation parties...ahahahhahahahahhaha!!!
TIMES EIGHT....SOMEBODY JUST SHOOT ME!!!!!
THE SEX HAD BETTER BEEN REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,GOOD!!! Because they won't have the time or the energy to have a repeat performance!!!

My Attitude...

...ran across (no pun intended) this pix and thought....
I Can Relate!!!! Ever have one of those dayz???

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I Hate Personal Trainers....

...getting paid to work out...

...walking around looking all buff

...behaving like a Drill Sergeant while in session...

...working out in-between sessions, while looking at us amateurs with pity, out of the corner of their eyes...

I know what they are thinking...

"Just look at that idiot, at what point did you give up and just let yourself go?" "Spandex is made for me....not you" "Is that all the weight you can do?" "Gawd, that's not how your supposed to use that machine, its called the Ab Crunch not the Boobie Crunch" "Move over and pay a professional to show you how its done" "Freak’ in Amateur" "Waste of space in the gym"

...OK, I don't hate them....really....I'm jealous!!!!
Can I change careers in the middle of the game?

My Crotch Hurts!!!!

Yes, you heard me correctly....MY CROTCH HURTS!!!!

Last week I actually went to the gym....and picked up my membership card.

A few days later I went to the gym again...to take a tour.

The next day I went back to the gym....to get an assessment.

[that was painful]

But for the last three days....in a row....I went to the gym...and actually worked out!!!
Thus having an opportunity to tune on every body part so that my entire being is screaming at me...none so loudly as my CROTCH!!!!! Thursday I worked on my outer & inner thigh areas. OUCH!!!!

I'm walking like the Duke [John Wayne] and there is no way I'm getting on my horse this weekend....you would hear the screams plumb into Tarrant County!!!

Sasha, Malia Dolls Miff First Lady...

They’ve been in the White House less than a week, but the first daughters have already been co-opted by marketers — and Michelle Obama isn’t happy about it.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Maybe If I'm Really Good This Year, Santa Will Put One Of These...

ARE WE TOO OLD TO DRIVE THIS CAR?







Concept car that we are probably too old to drive! NO JOKE!The new Benz - Very different....really different!
This is the new Mercedes Benz SCL600
That's not what is different about it.


That either...


.....and now for the 'really different' part:


Here is what is different...

No steering wheel, you drive it with a joystick. No pedals either. Can you drive with a joystick? Your kids and grandkids probably can. The influence of video games in our lives has really arrived, wouldn't you say? SCARY THOUGHT THAT NOW A 7-YEAR-OLD COULD STEAL YOUR CAR AND PROBABLY DRIVE IT BETTER THAN YOU.

I'm Bode-If-Fide...

I attended my first CPR training class today...

I know just enough to be dangerous!!!

From My Daughter...Such A Tragedy...

This is one of my high school friend's family. Her name is Vanessa. This story touches my heart in a special place, because it is of her son, Keaton. He is a happy healthy big boy, just like my little Hudson.
Keaton passed away just one week before his first Christmas. He was the family's third child, and first boy. Since I know the mother, I can tell you she is so active and involved in the children's lives. She is one proud momma as well, as she should be! I couldn't imagine the things this family is enduring at this point, and the things they have had to encounter along this process.
Please read this story, it was published in the Keller Citizen: http://www.kellercitizen.com/101/story/11921.html

If there is any way you can help this family, know that they would greatly appreciate it. As a mother, I could not fathom needing to fund my child's funeral, pick out their favorite outfit, or put them to rest. Also know, that your prayers, are felt by the family, and they still need them, as this is an ongoing process for the entire family; Mother: Vanessa, Father: Dave, Sisters: Madelyn and Ashlyn.
This is also something she wrote, from her personal blog.
1). We can ALWAYS use thoughts and prayers. This is still new to my family and we are ALL still going through a hard time! Especially the girls. We still cannot believe this is happening to us. We are just trying our best to adjust and be able to do the daily things that have to be done in life without having a break down over Bubba.
2). We are deeply still in need of donations at any Wells Fargo by mentioning the Fund name. The Keaton Huebner Memorial Fund is desperately needing funds to help pay for funeral expenses. He deserves the Best and right now he is in a temporary mausoleum crypt but he needs to desperately be moved in Order to honor his being the Best! I can't thank everyone enough who has donated in one way or another.

If you cannot donate please forward this need to all of your family and friends because maybe they can. If anyone works for a corporate business they most likely have Charity donations in their budget. Most usually have to donate so much per year, it's just a matter of where they will donate so please help me get the word out!!! Much Love to you ALL! In lieu of flowers the family requests that contributions in his memory be made to the Keaton Huebner Memorial Fund at any Wells Fargo location, to assist with funeral expenses. Our Family could really use the donations for the funeral expenses. We still have sooooo much to pay. If you can donate every dollar counts, whether you donate one dollar or a thousand dollars, our family asks for your help. Keaton Deserves it for sure!!!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Monday, January 19, 2009

I HATE Daytime TV!!!!!!

The TV is on in the other room for background noise....

NO I don't want a career change....

NO I don't want to sue anyone...

NO I don't want to sell you my settlement so I can have MY money NOW...

NO I don't need to confirm my baby daddy....


Ahahahahahahahhahaha....


...time to plug in some tunes before I eat a bullet...[sick picture huh]

Adolf Hitler Campbell Removed From Parent's Home

Adolf Hitler CampbellThe New Jersey Division of Youth & Family Services have removed little Adolf and his younger siblings; JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler from their loving white supremacists home last week after the department had received NO reports of neglect or abuse....Hmmmmm....

I don't agree with the parents choice of names, but I also don't agree that it is grounds for government intervention...

First the kid doesn't get his special store-made birthday cake and now this....if his luck doesn't change quick, he may end up as messed up as his namesake!!!

It Pays To Be Chaste...

Natalie Dylan: Virgin auction: bidding reaches £2.5m Natalie Dylan, 22, claims her offer of a one-night stand has persuaded 10,000 men to bid for sex with her.
Last September, when her auction came to light, she had received bids up to $243,000 but since then interest in her has rocketed.
"I think me and the person I do it with will both profit greatly from the deal."
She added: "It's shocking that men will pay so much for someone's virginity, which isn't even prized so highly anymore."

Maybe I should schedule an appointment with the labia doctor and pay for my early retirement! SHeeeeeeSH!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Time to Feed...



...the natives are restless...

Rules...


...when will it ever end????

Do Baggy Pants Drive You Nuts???


I'm just say'in.....

No Comment...

Awkward...


I had a guy approach me in a restaurant the other day and greet me like an old friend...then he realized that I was not who he thought I was...heeheehee


I was like....Hey, good to see you too....How's the family....Did you guys have a great Christmas...The look on his face was priceless...

Financial Advise

With tax time around the corner, I thought I would pass on some very important facts from my financial advisor...

Yesterday's Truths ARE Today's Truths

John Kennedy once said to a assembled group of scholars in the White House * I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House - with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."


The quotes below could prove his point.



  • When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe. - Thomas Jefferson

  • The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. - Thomas Jefferson

  • It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world. - Thomas Jefferson

  • I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. - Thomas Jefferson

  • My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

  • No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. - Thomas Jefferson

  • The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. - Thomas Jefferson

  • The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

Very Interesting Quote:
In light of the present financial crisis, it's interesting to read what Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:
Banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.



Doesn't this sound eerily familiar to what is happening in America today?

New Tire Design by Michelin

You guys may have already seen these...
These tires are airless and are scheduled to be out on the market very soon.


The bad news for law enforcement is that spike strips will not work on these.


Just think of the impact on existing technology:

A. no more air valves...

B. no more air compressors at gas stations...

C. no more repair kits...

D. no more flats...


These are actual pictures taken in the South Carolina plant of Michelin

Where Will You Be Tuesday?

Tomorrow is a holiday for our office, but I will be at work Tuesday just like all Inauguration Days before this one.

However, we will have one department with no representation due to both employees taking the day off.

I wonder if we are the only office to experience this type of worker shortage…

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Barbies For Anobiter...

Is this not the most disturbing toy ever...or is it just me?


Clearance priced at only $21....

price does not include the therapy expenses that will be required for your little girl in the future...

OK....



Now I'm dating myself....but this one is brilliant...




The Carol Burnett Barbie in the

"Gone With The Wind" Skit

Too Funny!!!

Friday, January 16, 2009

TO Torture or NOT to Torture...

That is the question...easy to answer when one sits in the comfort of an American home......on the frontline.....different story...and who keeps who safe....who are we to say....we don't see what they see....we don't experience what they experience...somebody has to do the dirty work... and we sit in our easy chair and judge...the world reality is ugly and sometimes, so are the solutions...unless you are willing to put on the uniform and take the risk...DON'T JUDGE!!!

Andrew Wyeth...Thank You!!!

one of my favorite artist died today at the age of 91...I have a print of this painting hanging in my home and every time I look at it I have to smile...
What a talent...to create something that a total stranger would proudly display in their own home...I've created things that my own family has lost or misplaced [secretly thrown away]...
I think I would like to live to be in my 90's...my GrandMa is going to turn 94 this year so it could happen...but then again, that generation is a whole different breed...
I'm probably too full of preservatives...or red dye number 98...or something...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Air Biscuit Raid!!!!

The Munster Kitty loves to sit in my lap as I type...so here I sit, minding my own business, when all of a sudden....WHAT IS THAT SMELL.....wafting, wafting, wafting.....OH, MY GAWD!!!!!

Munster Kitty has just dusted me off!!!! Again!!!! What the heck does that cat eat that could turn so rotten within it's system....it's just unreal!!!!

...The Famous Flying Flatulence Feline....sails across the room...and it's thinking....WHAT??????

Stupid Is As Stupid Does...

They did it again!!!

You would think that after half a dozen episodes those stupid dogs would learn not to chase the black kitty with the pretty white stripe!!!!

PEEEEEEEE-UUUUUUUUUU

The Salt Lick...

I dropped my clothes off at the drycleaners this morning and the owner greeted me wearing Carhartt bib overalls...she looked cute and comfortable. I sometimes wish I had a job where I could dress like that...it would save me a bundle in dry-cleaning expenses...maybe I should open a feed store...I would hire good lookin young people and we would all dress like the cast of Hee-Haw....maybe a topless feed store....girls on odd numbered days and guys on even numbered days...Hmmmmmm....what would I call it?????

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Awesome!!!

I saw a bald eagle flying over the lake in front of our house last weekend...
I was filling up the horse trough in the front pasture, bored as hell...
when I heard the ducks on the lake raising a ruckus...I looked up and saw a bald eagle soaring above the lake, hunting...with three buzzards in it's wake...looking for leftovers. What an awesome sight...no wonder our forefathers chose this bird to be our national symbol...a turkey, quail or peacock just wouldn't do....

Sleepless...

I took a diet pill this afternoon around 3:30...

I CAN'T SLEEP!!!

Man-ty Hose...



...for added warmth and comfort in these cold winter nights...


I think I will get Mr. Give a pair so he can keep cozy while mucking the barn...


he will be the envy of Montague County!!!

Honey Do...


Mr. Give was performing a "honey-do" and repairing a kitchen cabinet for me...less than a minute later, the cabinet was still broken but Mr. Gives fingers [on both hands I might add] were super glued together...the only free finger was his middle one on his right hand which he used to tell me I was number one!!!!!
Yes Ladys.....he is all mine!!!!

Looks Just Like....



...nuff said....

Saturday, January 10, 2009

We Got A Live One!!!

Our A/C went out last summer so we had a couple of 100+ degree days that we had to endure before we could get the new system installed...
Mr. Give pulled this out of the back of the pantry today...
Stand back, I think its going to blow...
Couple juiced to death in North Texas...
More at 11...

Only the Strong (or Stupid) Survive...

...10 years ago, Mr. Give lost a bet with a co-worker and his payoff was to dye his hair any color the winner chose...the choice was jet black.

So Mr. Give skips into his local Sally's Beauty Supply and brings home some hair dye. His hair came out so jet black it had a blue/black sheen to it...the next day was one of the hottest days that summer and his jet black hair radiated the heat strait to the few brain cells he had left and made him so miserable that he went to the winner and said, "Any color....any color but black!!!"....so after much thought and guffaws the winner said, "OK, dye it white"...ecstatic with relief, Mr. Give again skips into his local beauty supply and purchased the blue stuff that turns your hair white.

The next day, Mr. Give goes to work with hair the color of Harley Davison ORANGE!!! heeheehee...so back he goes for more bluing...

I came home from work, opened the front door and was just about knocked down by the peroxide aroma coming from my home...he was determined to turn his orange hair to white by the next morning...he even had the product on his facial hair...then I noticed something protruding from both nostrils...I said "Not the nose hairs too?!?!?!?" Come to find out, he had cotton plugs in his nose because he couldn't stand the smell either!!!

This pix shows what I had to be seen with in public for the next 6 months…and as if that wasn’t enough…our teenaged son thought that it was so cool, he dyed his hair white too…

...its memories like this that keep the spark in our 18 year relationship…never a dull moment!!!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Brrrrrrrr!!!

The horse and mule are covered in mud, anything to stay warm...

The barn kitties came running to greet me with ice laden whiskers...

These stupid monster kitties in the house don't realize just how good they've got it!!! They keep testing me and they just might find out!!!...Frozen Puss Pops Anyone....heeheehee

Broke In My New Mud Boots!!!

I Got My New Mud Boots Muddy Today!!!
I've been dying to wear these since Christmas, but Mr. Give wouldn't let me wear them outside unless it was muddy...so I went slip'n & slide'n out at the barn as soon as I got home this afternoon!!!

The animals were look'n at me kinda funny....I don't know if it was because I was acting like an idiot or because I looked like one?!?!?!?!?

Still Love Snow Dayz...

Lived in Kansas as a kid and used to love the days we were snowed in and couldn't go to school....

I was told to go home at 1pm today due to the frozen rain...

First sign of trouble was just north of Decatur by the rest area....SUV off in the ditch...

then north of Alvord...five vehicles off of the road at the overpasses...

Then an 18 wheeler comes barreling up on my @ss at a curved overpass of all places!!!

Got on the hotline to God real quick!!!! Dumb*sses!!!!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Don't Forget...

to eat some black-eye peas today!!!

I just cooked some up in the pressure cooker and scared the poo out of the camo kitty [insert evil laugh]
(Camo is the color of a bobcat and stays hid out in the house)
Mr. Give had just gotten Camo out of her hiding place and settled down in the family room when the pressure cooker started hissing....
Camo peeled out so fast I think Mr. Give will need stitches...

I hope the peas are worth the blood letting...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

NO This Isn't Me!!!!!

heeheehee

Mr. Give & I were at home, safely passed out on our couch where we couldn't hurt ourselves or any innocent bystanders...

We have learned from years of experience...

Hope you all had a safe and happy New Year celebration and none of you ended up starring in your own Kodak moment!!!

Wishing you and yours a happy & prosperous New Year!!!