I am now "ONE" with the "COON"

I went shopping with my daughter last weekend and didn't get home until 9:30pm. Man were the animals pissed. They were standing out at the barn tapping their hooves and checking the time...I was late for feeding. So, rather than do something sensible like stop at the house to change clothes and get a weapon just in case a varmint was about...I drove strait to the barn, shined the car headlights into the breezeway and got to work. I fed the horse and the mule, got into the second feed barrel to take care of the dogs and cats, was just locking the lid down when I heard a ruckus right above my head...(a little too early for Santa)...it sounded like a board was coming down on my head...before I could look up to see what the ruckus was...something hit me smack on the head, RIGHT ON MY FREAK'IN HEAD PEOPLE...it rolled onto my left shoulder, down my arm and came to a thud at my feet...it was the biggest raccoon I had ever seen...
Needless to say...the coon & I puddled at the same time, same place...
We just got 12 guineas which are cooped up in the East side of the barn...the raccoon was scaling a board that runs along the top of the wall dividing the rooms on the West side of the barn, the board runs out into the breezeway approx. 18" then stops for some stupid reason...I happened to be standing right under the end of the board when the raccoon walked right off the end of it, falling to certain death if not for my hard head breaking it's fall...my Indian name shall now be…
“Saving Coon@ss“…or…”Coon Catcher”…or maybe…“Cavorting With Coons”